Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Spring'll Soon Be Here

OK.  Perhaps on the first day of February it is an exaggeration to proclaim that Spring will soon be here.  If not an exaggeration, then an alternative fact.  Then again, maybe not.

The Vernal Equinox is March 20, which is less than fifty sleeps from now.  Given that we the people of these United States have reduced the original American holiday, Thanksgiving, to a road apple on the gluttony highway that links Halloween to Christmas, surely we can take it upon ourselves to subject February to a similar fate. It practically is begging us to do it - with its insufficient number of days, a trait about which it is so self-conscious that once every four years, like a hooker working Fleet Week, it picks up a stray day, alone in the big city, in a vain attempt to make itself appear more desirable.  

It cannot be done, you say?  "Hogwash!", I say.  I recognize that February is a month in which this nation honors the birth of several great Americans.  As one of the honorees (my B.S. in "Humility" was earned at Trump University), I must confess that I would not mind if we simply skipped it altogether.  And as for Messrs. Washington and Lincoln (a/k/a "The Father of Our Country" and "The Savior of Our Nation"), it is worth pointing out that while once upon a lifetime ago, we celebrated the birthday of each of these indispensable men separately, we long ago compressed those separate celebrations into one for sake of convenience. Thus, the February Compact is already upon us!  

Fun Historical Fact for Your 2017 Presidents' Day Party:  Five of our Presidents thus far have dawned, as did I, in the Age of Aquarius (OK, under the sign of Aquarius, but I could not find a song to link to entitled "The Sign of Aquarius").  However, just one of the five lived to serve the entire term to which he was elected.  The Aquarius Quintet, featuring William Henry Harrison (#9), Abraham Lincoln (#16), William McKinley (#25), Franklin Delano Roosevelt (#32), and Ronald Reagan (#40), includes two members who died in office due to illness (Harrison and Roosevelt) and two (Lincoln and McKinley) who were assassinated. Reagan, who survived an assassination attempt early in his first term and who was until Mr. Trump's election the oldest person ever elected to the Presidency of the United States, was the only one of the five who did not die in office.  

If obliterating an entire month strikes you as a tad hasty, then February in its entirety does not have to be consigned to history's dust heap.  For instance, its first Sunday must remain on the calendar, for an obvious reason:  Registration Day for the Spring Lake Five Mile Run.  Other days, such as whichever day of February is "Truck Day" for your favorite Major League Baseball team, shall survive the apocalypse as well, because without "Truck Day", there is no Spring Training and without Spring Training there is no baseball.  I simply cannot bring myself to envision a world without baseball.    

The fate of the rest of them?  Negotiable.


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