While pleas for "More Cowbell!" are ubiquitous, no one (in the Northern Hemisphere anyway) has ever clamored for "More February!", including I might point out those of us who were actually born in February. Yet, today, as you do every fourth year, you have festooned an additional day, the calendar equivalent of the vestigial tail, to your derriere. Really?
Here is the thing - and I am confident that I am speaking for all sane, right-minded people when I say this: No one gives a rat's ass about your silly extra day. Perhaps if we were all pirates and we all lived in Penzance then your 29th day might be of some import. We are not. We do not. Therefore, it is not.
Please, without further delay take your leave - and feel free to take that socially awkward tramp Sadie Hawkins with you. On your way out, would you mind sending in March? We have all waited more than long enough for his arrival. Thank you.
See you in eleven months.