Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Pledge of the Pachyderm



Never was a Babar fan.  Snooty-ass elephant strutted around all over the goddamn place wearing a crown and a three-piece suit while calling himself, "King".  Who exactly died and made him King?  And how in the hell does he tie that idiotic bow tie? 

No, sir.  For my money, Horton has always been a far more compelling elephant.  He is just a simple-minded, pure-hearted, lovable lug who wanders through life sans crown, three-piece suit or bow tie and does just fine for himself, thank you very much.  Babar may be some type of half-assed monarch but Horton is the embodiment of all that is good about an elephant.  Plus, he has a far cooler mantra. 

I shall spend at least a considerable portion of my day, today, in the Union County Court House.  As is my custom and practice, given that this morning's outing represents my final pre-Christmas court appearance, I shall wear my Looney Tunes Christmas Tie, which Rob picked out for me from a rack located right next to the register at the Stern's in the Middlesex Mall on a December day almost twenty-five years ago.  


While it is not much to look at it, it is in fact 100% silk, since polyester-tainted neck wear (much like the Lord) and I have an understanding, which is that it spends no time in my presence and I respond in kind.  I do not pretend to be a clotheshorse. However, I am quite persnickety on the subject of ties.  If I had a dollar for every hideous tie I encounter on my fellow white-collar professionals on a day in, day out basis, I could afford to sleep through the alarm at least two times a month.  This morning is the one occasion each year on which I relax my rule, which I do so that I may honor my promise. 

The fact that Rob probably has no recollection of me having made him this particular promise and an equally low level of interest in whether I honor it, matters not.  On the "Human Scale", I traditionally score fairly low.  I have innumerable failings, including those that make me not always the easiest person with whom to interact.  That being said, among my few redeeming characteristics is the diligence with which I honor my word.  It might be simply because I am a dork but I believe quite solemnly in the concept of "A promise is a promise".  I made it.  I honor it.  It is just that simple. 

It is the pachyderm's burden I suppose to have a memory that does not allow you to forget.  Then again, maybe not.  It is, after all, an honor to emulate Horton.  He is, after all, kind of my hero...

...and not solely because of the size of his head.  Although to be clear, the head size helps.  I cannot lie.  It really does. 

-AK       




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