Tuesday, February 9, 2016

My Bologna Has A First Name. It's T-E-D-D-Y

Travel back with me if you would to an iconic moment in the annals of American television history. Remember this little, curly-headed sandwich eater, sporting his Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls and his homemade fishing pole? 

As we live and breathe, he and his jingle have transitioned to the 21st Century.  In the latest iteration of the commercial however, it is not Oscar Mayer peddling the bologna.  Instead it is the Canadian Cowboy, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas (via Ontario).  

On February 1, 2016, after winning the Iowa Caucus (an accomplishment about which his camp might crow a little less heartily upon consideration of just how well the Republican winner of said Caucus has fared once the campaign advances beyond the foul lines of the Field of Dreams), he had the balls to declare himself to be the champion of first responders.   No need to paraphrase his words when we have them available for review directly from the horse's ass's mouth: 

And to the police officers, the firemen, and the first responders,
the heroes who rushed into burning buildings instead of out of 
burning buildings, the last seven years of having a President, of 
having an Attorney General that demonizes you, that vilifies you,
that sides with the criminals and looters instead of the brave men

I presume that if for no other reason than to preserve the continuing functionality of his church bell-sized testicles, Senator Cruz told that particular lie while he was wearing his asbestos pants.  For other than engaging in the annual self-serving exercise of posting a platitude on his Twitter page each year on September 11, he has not been a champion of first responders.  To the contrary, he has been an impediment.    

Or, to put it another way, in the world of lunch meats, he is the phony bologna.  


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