Tuesday, March 3, 2015

No Way To Treat A Friend

In the wee small hours of Sunday morning, Andrew Mayer of Toms River, age 27, and his good friend, Daniel Joly, 25 and also a resident of Toms River decided to ring in March by doing something utterly asinine.  

With Mayer at the helm and Joly seated in the first mate's chair, these two idiots took Mayer's 1979 Mazda pick-up truck out onto the frozen surface of the Toms River so that they could do donuts.  Apparently, the river was not as thoroughly frozen as either of these two geniuses thought it was and the truck broke through the ice and into the bitterly cold water.   

Local police, the New Jersey State Police and the United States Coast Guard committed personnel and equipment to the search for the vehicle and its occupants.  Unbeknownst to those hardy men and women who risked their own health and welfare, neither Mayer nor Joly was in the vehicle when it sank into its icy grave.

Sadly, when the vehicle was located at or about 10:20 A.M. on Sunday morning, its third occupant was still inside.  Mayer apparently abandoned ship without taking his dog, identified as a boxer-mix, with him.  Having given his faithful companion little choice regarding the decision to do something absurdly fucking stupid, this particular piece of human refuse then left the pooch to die.

On Tuesday the nj.com web site published a story in which Mr. Mayer's cousin, Donna Jung, offered a version of events designed to exonerate Mr. Mayer.   In Ms. Jung's telling of the tale, Mr. Mayer is not only NOT an asshole, he is a hero who selflessly risked his own life attempting to save his dog. Call me skeptical if you will but I find the fact that he needed close to half a day to get himself sufficiently "warm and dry" to surrender to the local police a bit difficult to accept.  However, I was not there so while I find Ms. Jung's after-the-fact creation of an alibi equal parts convenient and unbelievable, it is not for me to say that what she says is not true.  

Whether Mayer shall be charged criminally for any of his various misdeeds I know not.  Whether the various public agencies who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in what started as a search and rescue mission and ended up being a recovery mission I know not either.   I do know that from my perspective whatever punishment he gets, it pales in comparison to that which he deserves...

...that is, unless someone straps him into a vehicle and then submerges it - with him inside incapable of extricating himself - in water so cold and so deep that it shall kill him.

Perhaps the Barkleys shall volunteer to drive him


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