Wednesday, July 9, 2014

The New Great American Pastime

Fact:  George Costanza and Andrew R. Rector have never been photographed in the same place at the same time!  I make that proclamation with confidence for one reason - and one reason alone, which is that the George Costanza to whom I refer is not an actual human being but rather the character Jason Alexander portrayed on the late, great Seinfeld television series. 

Among my favorite episodes of that show were the one where  Elaine submits a cartoon to The New Yorker (a pig at a "Complaint" desk) only to discover that she unintentionally ripped off a Ziggy; and George is shown on television at the U.S. Open tennis tournament inhaling ice cream.  He ends up with chocolate all over his face and is held up for ridicule far and wide.  In this, the month in which we celebrate the 25th anniversary of NBC's airing of "The Seinfeld Chronicles" who knew that Jerry and his friends were going to once again provide us with examples of art that life deems worthy of imitation.

On Sunday, April 13, 2013 the Yankees hosted the Red Sox at the Stadium, which game was broadcast on ESPN as that week's edition of Sunday Night Baseball.  Among the fans in attendance was the aforementioned Mr. Rector.  The top of the 4th inning either started at some point past his bedtime or he was experiencing the effects of the tryptophan in the Butterball turkey he had snuck into the Stadium under his hoodie.  Either way, while the Sox were up at bat, Rector was lights out.  And as happens more often than not, one of ESPN's camera folks spotted him, which led to Rector being the third man in the booth (figuratively if not literally) for ninety seconds or so:

Here in 21st Century America no one seems willing or able to take a good joshing.  One would think that a twenty-six year-old man who appears incapable of keeping his eyes open - while sitting in a seat that either he or someone else paid good money for him to sit in - would have at least a modicum of a sense of humor about his own shortcomings.  Nope.  Instead of a sense of humor, young Mr. Rector has everyone's go-to accessory here in the modern day USA.  He has an attorney.

And from whatever spring one originally conjured up the observation about opposites and the power of attraction has never made the acquaintance of Mr. Rector's counsel of choice, Valentine Okwara of Jamaica, N.Y.  Based upon nothing other than the abject inability to use coherent language  - or a reasonable facsimile thereof - in the lawsuit recently filed on his behalf in Bronx County Supreme Court, 2013 admittee to the New York Bar Okwara appears to have attended law school with a zeal equal to that with which Mr. Rector attends Yankees games.

Typically the biggest problem that plagues the Yankees at their home games is the number of fans dressed up as empty seats.  "Irony thou art a heartless bitch!"  Mr. Rector's lawsuit demands $10 Million as compensation for him having been defamed and for the mental anguish he has suffered.  Considering that the Yankees are paying C.C. Sabathia $23 Million this season and he was about as effective as Rector before he suffered what is feared to be a season-ending (and possibly career-ending) knee injury last weekend,, it is possible that the Silver Spoon Twins will not consider Rector's demand to be completely ludicrous. 

Perhaps they will try to buy him off and put this whole sordid affair behind them.  Since baseball appears to bore the shit out of him, he might prefer tickets to a different live sporting event. 

Tennis anyone...


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