Thursday, June 19, 2014

Savior Of A Stubborn Man

Well I'm out here on my own
Followin' a star
Asking on my knees, for some direction, please,
And, God, you know that's hard...

On what may very well be too many times to count - and as a general rule I tend to leave things all things arithmetic to those better equipped to handle them than I - I have noted in this space that Margaret is the great miracle of my life.  I mean it.  I would not say it were it not so. 

June 19, 1993

For those who pop by this space and read what it is written here, you know that I do not do self-effacing well.  My ego is comparable to the Jupiter-sized carrying case affixed to my shoulders.  Always has been.  And if you are familiar at all with the adage addressing the relationship between dogs of a certain age and tricks that have a certain amount of novelty associated with them, then you have all the information you shall ever need to possess to document the likelihood of a change ever coming.  Here's a hint:  If you have any breath, then do not hold it.

It is not an exaggeration - not even a teeny, tiny one - when I note that Margaret's arrival into my life saved it.  It most assuredly did.  Whether I would have ended up walking on into the ocean until I was entirely underwater or some such thing I know not.  I suspect however that I might have gotten wet up to my knees at least.  I do know however that it merely took her entry onto the scene to point out to me - in rather stark, unflattering tones as I recall - the difference between living a life and merely being alive.  It is from her that every good thing that has occurred in my adult life has flowed.  

But for Margaret, there would never have been Suzanne.  But for Margaret, there would never have been Rob.  But for Suzanne, there would never have been Ryan.  But for Rob, there would never have been Jess.  In other words, none of the most important components of my day-to-day would presently exist without Margaret.  She is the font from which all of these great things emanate.  

Without her in it as my partner, my journey through this life most assuredly would have been a solo flight.  I am, by nature, most comfortable keeping the rest of the world at arm's length.  It is not an accident that two of the activities that fill a significant portion of my non-work hours - writing and running - are both solo endeavors.  Margaret is the person tasked with the almost-impossible responsibility of ensuring that day in and day out I play well enough with others to make sure that we all make it out alive.    

My wife has been the preeminent part of my day-to-day for so long that while I am not entirely certain what my life would look like without her in it, I do know it would be a decidedly dark place.  Certainly much darker than it is presently.  And, candidly, my level of enthusiasm for continuing to participate in it would be reduced substantially.      

It was twenty-one years ago on this very day that she said, "I do".  Every morning, just before I prepare to head off to work, while she is still asleep I whisper, "Remember no givebacks" in her ear.  Better safe than sorry.  Thus far, she has honored my request.  

And I am most assuredly the luckiest of all men because she has done so.

June 6, 2014

...Cause I'm such a stubborn man
Lord, I'm stubborn as a mule
Even though I struggle some,
I believe a change will come
And I hear you love a fool.
-John Hiatt


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