Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Controlling The Nozzle's Spray

Everyone has a plan 'till
They get punched in the mouth.
- "Iron" Mike Tyson

I am my father's son.  Among other things that means that I have adapted fairly well to functioning day in and day out on amounts of sleep that others might find lacking.  Truth be told, I do not spend my day curing cancer, splitting atoms or trying to solve Rubik's Cube.  I practice law for a living.  Thus perhaps my best is good enough doing what I do with the amount of sleep I get by on but it would be deemed insufficient in another arena, such as operating heavy equipment or defusing explosive devices.  I know not.  I know only what I know.  I assure you that is not very goddamn much at all.

Monday I was reminded again that while I function perfectly well on four hours of sleep, I am a surly, cantankerous little f*ck when I do not sleep well.  For reasons that remain a mystery to me, Sunday night I simply could not fall asleep.  I tried.  Holy shit I tried.  I finally dozed off at or about 11:45 and thereafter woke up at 1:15, 2:15 and - finally when I surrendered and declared an end to the night's futility - at 3:15.  Sufficiently pissed off, I got up, showered and went to the office. 

The anger funk in which I shrouded myself enveloped me for the entirety of Monday.  I found myself almost begging for human interaction just so I could vent my self-pitying spleen on some unfortunate soul.  Thankfully - for me as much as for the rest of the world - I gave off enough of the "I am a big dog and the whole world is my fire hydrant" scent that I was left alone to stew in my own juices most of the day.  Good.  I f*cked up my own day by being a douche nozzle.  I am relieved to know that I managed to avoid inflicting lasting harm upon anyone else.   

After all, when conducting yourself like a grumpy old bastard the day you ruin should be your own...  

...and no one else's.  


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