Saturday, March 22, 2014

A Dance With No Pants

Truth be told, the activity that the Missus and I shall participate in this morning in my favorite little Jersey town, Manasquan, is not a 'dance' with no pants but, rather, a run/walk.  Had I entitled this piece "A Run/Walk With No Pants" you might very well have sidled right on by.  Instead, with your prurient interest piqued here you are.  A lifetime of reading The New York Post has taught me something, including for one memorable day in the Summer of 2004 that Dick Gephardt was John Kerry's choice to be his Vice-Presidential candidate.  He was not of course.  Oh well.  Anyone can make a mistake such as that one.  And besides, it is not as if anyone reads the headline....on the front page.  Good thing they used the small font for the headline huh?

But I digress....

This morning we are in 'Squan to participate in an effort to set a record that would land us - and the countless other fine folks taking part - in the annals of the Guinness Book of World Records.  Full disclosure:  I had no idea that there still was a Guinness Book of World Records.  I remember looking at it when I was a little kid but had no idea it still was published.  It would seem to me - in the age of instant information being accessible on the Internet - that it is about as relevant and necessary as the Encyclopedia Brittanica.  In fairness to the people from Guinness I have also been far more fond of the stout-brewing half of the family than I have the book-publishing gang.

Irrespective of its utter lack of hipness and relevancy, should we accomplish our task then I shall - beginning Monday - start identifying myself in all court filings (and personal correspondence) as Adam Kenny, World Record Holder.  Do not scoff.  People still refer to Tatum O'Neal as "Oscar-winning actress Tatum O'Neal" for a part she played forty years ago, when she was eight or nine years old.  There is apparently no statute of limitations on "milking it". 

The record-attempting effort we are part of this morning is the first-ever Jersey Shore Kilt Run/Walk.  The organizers are attempting to set the record for "most people wearing a kilt at one event".  The current record - apparently - is 1700 people.  I have seen Braveheart a zillion times and it certainly seemed in some of the battle scenes as if there were a lot of folks "wearing a kilt at one event".  Perhaps since Mel Gibson went insane people stopped counting his record-breaking achievements.  Perhaps a lot of the folks who appeared real on the screen were just CGI-created images.  Either way, this morning we are gearing up to kick William Wallace's arse!  

All silliness aside, this morning's 2-mile run/walk is raising money for an excellent cause, SquanStrong, which is a 501(c)(3) organization that came into existence after Ms. Sandy attempted to annhilate New Jersey in the Fall of 2012 raising money for - and providing aid to - individuals all over the Shore (and beyond) whose lives were shattered.  Good people doing good works.  

Our team, cheekily named "Bang Her & Smash", is (I think) eighteen strong or so.  All of us are going to look resplendent in our kilts.  The Missus and I are wearing matching red ones.  Rumor has it that Super Dave, Lynne and Gidg's cousin, is going to opt for "traditional" garb under his kilt.  If I was a religious man, I would spend the drive down to 'Squan this morning praying for that rumor to be false. 

Or as true as Gephardt being Kerry's choice for V-P.  Either way.  It is all good. 


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