Tuesday, August 27, 2013

"Holy Sound & Fury Meaning Not A Goddamn Thing At All!"

I was driving in my car - somewhere between the office and an appearance - one day last week when the radio exploded with news regarding Ben Affleck.  I cannot recall to what station I was listening but both the on-air host and the people to whom he was talking (both people in studio and callers on the phone) mentioned Mr. Affleck's name with such passion - and in some cases venom - that I thought perhaps he had been implicated in some horrible criminal conspiracy or - perhaps worse - had left his wife and children to reunite romantically with J. Lo. 

Imagine my surprise when I learned that the tumult was the result of someone (Warner Brothers I think) announcing that Affleck has been tabbed to play Batman in a movie called "Superman vs. Batman".  Holy shit.  I never knew how little the truly important issues of the day resonated with the world at large until I saw the response to this announcement.  People created web sites "protesting" the decision and took to Twitter to express their (a) disappointment, (b) outrage, and (c) feelings of betrayal.  Wow.  What a country.

Note to those who commenced engaging in pre-emptive bed-wetting, poop-flinging and other forms of social protest upon hearing the news:  get a fucking grip.  He is an actor.  He has been hired to play a part in a movie.  A movie that - if I understood the announcement correctly - has not yet been written, has not yet begun production and will not be released until mid-July, 2015.  If the most trying issue you must tackle on a day in mid-August, 2013 is who has been hired to ACT in a movie that will not be released for two years, then you either need to recalibrate your "Prioritizer" because you have drifted far beyond the area between the navigational beacons OR you need to forward some of the righteous herb you have stockpiled in your greenhouse to me.  E-mail me.  I will send you my address....and a whole tray of brownies as a token of my appreciation. 

For those of you whose emotional growth has now allegedly been permanently fucked by Ben Affleck's participation in a Batman movie, it bears pointing out to you that simply because a film is made and released that has a comic book character's name in the title (or in the case of this movie the names of two characters) you are not required to watch it.  The Republic shall survive Ben Affleck's turn as Bruce Wayne, whether you elect to plunk down money to watch it or not.  We made it through Johnny Depp's Tonto did we not?  

And gee, I almost hate to point this out to the emotionally stunted with far too much free time on their hands among us who have already started campaigning against Affleck and this project because I know it is such a radical notion that many of you will not be able to do it.  Your internal constitution simply will not allow it.  Here it goes anyway:  you might actually want to wait until the movie is made before you judge it.  You might opt to make up your mind as to its quality once you possess actual information upon which to base your opinion.  

Nah.  Who has time for that right?  


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