Tuesday, June 4, 2013

All In The Family

I do not know whether you share my excitement but I presume given your status as an intelligent, right-thinking, superior being (Hell you spend a piece of your day HERE do you not?) that you do.  What excitement you ask?  My excitement about the world finally having run out of actual issues of significance with which its inhabitants should concern ourselves.   Hip-hip-fucking-hooray for us! 

What is my proffer you ask?  What is it that I bring before you in support of my position that our planet is one now utterly devoid of problems that demand our attention?  My answer:  the Internet and all of the unbelievable outrage stirred up these past few days about a television commercial.  A commercial that is more than simply innocuous.  A commercial that - in fact - rises to the level of genuine sweetness: 

Only in the cowardice-fomenting environment of the Internet could General Mills have found itself excoriated for having made a commercial extolling the virtues of its "heart-healthy" cereal in a multi-racial family.  As if concerns about heart disease and cholesterol levels are confined solely to families that are monochromatic. 

Parenthetically, at or about the same time as the Cowards of the Apocalypse were assailing General Mills and threatening to boycott Cheerios or some such nonsense, the family of actress Jean Stapleton announced her death - at age 90.  If you are too young to have watched "All In The Family" then you have my sympathies.  You missed something quite extraordinary if you missed Ms. Stapleton breathe life into Edith Bunker.   "All In The Family", which was a dominant force on television in the first half of the 1970's begat several other successful series, including "Maude" and "The Jeffersons". 

"The Jeffersons" ran itself for eleven seasons on CBS and featured the interaction of George and Weezy Jefferson with their frenemies Tom and Helen Willis, whose daughter Jenny dated the Jeffersons' son Lionel and who were....a bi-racial couple.  Who knew that the same core group of asshats who sit themselves down in front of their little computers for countless hours every day to spew ignorance into cyberspace grew up in households in which all the television sets were black-and-white?  Imagine their surprise at discovering the Willises were themselves black AND white.  Glad to be of service in shedding some light, cave-dwellers of these United States, that you are only four decades too late to protest the arrival of the "multi-racial" couple on television.  Reception under your rock is not what it once was it appears.  

Perhaps it is just me but I find myself eagerly awaiting the official pronouncement from NOM on this advertisement.  NOM is - of course - the acronym for the National Organization For Marriage [As Long As It Is Between Two God-Fearing, Heterosexual Adults Of The Same Race], an organization that consistently reaffirms its raison d'etre, which is that one cannot spell the word "MORON" without the letters "N", "O" & "M".   NOM actually had the foresight to rally its membership towards a boycott of General Mills before the latter's commission of the unforgivable act of portraying a multi-racial couple in its Cheerios commercial.   Apparently prior to acknowledging that some American families include parents of dissimilar ethnicity, General Mills acknowledged that some American families include parents of the same gender and supported the effort to legalize same-sex marriage in Minnesota.   The spleen-venting rhetoric contained in NOM's proposed petition to boycott General Mills (conveniently accessed by clicking on the "Dump General Mills" button on their web site) would actually read as humorous....but for the fact that it is not intended as comedy. 

Here in the moronocracy we are reminded again and again that there is little correlation between elevation of one's access to information and the enhancement of one's intellect.  Mr. Springsteen said it quite well almost two decades ago, "Stupid is as stupid does."  Always has.  Always will....

....Good night Edith.  We shall miss you. 


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