Monday, March 4, 2013

The Gospel According To Me

I smiled the other evening seeing that Suzanne had given me a "virtual shout-out" on Facebook, sharing with those she knows in the on-line universe a piece of advice that I first bestowed on her brother and her when they were children.  A piece of advice that I shared with them only because it seemed to work for the first person with whom I shared it.

When I was a much younger man I had a particular set of demons that I struggled quite hard to exorcise.  Well that is not entirely accurate.  At some point - probably at or about the time I met and fell in love with the woman who is now my wife - I undertook the tough battle of exorcising them.  Up until that point, I was an asshole.  I spent copious amounts of time exercising my demons.  And did they ever enjoy a hearty workout.  Abusive to pretty much anyone and everyone with whom I came into contact.  Decidedly unrepentant about the damage I inflicted upon others.  The dictionary definition of a self-pitying d-bag.  

I am not a "twelve-stepper".  Never was.  Never shall be.  There are those I know and love who have benefited from their participation in such a program.  I am simply not that fella.  I cannot fake giving a rat's ass about the faux problems of strangers and there is a greater likelihood of me pouring lighter fluid on my butt and igniting my own ass hair than there is of me standing up before a group of them and doing likewise.  Thus, when I finally reached the point in my life when I acknowledged that I had a problem in need of a solution I opted for a solution that contained far fewer steps than twelve.

The piece of advice that Suzanne shared in cyberspace was in fact "Step Two" of the Adam Kenny Two-Step Program: 

Step OneStop feeling sorry for yourself
Step TwoGet your head out of your ass. 

Two steps that once I took them allowed me to work towards the life I now live.  They helped me manage my problem and wrest control of it from my demons.  At the risk of sounding immodest it is a Two-Step Program that works well regardless of one's problem.  In fact it works well even if you are not attempting to cure any particular problem.  It is simply a fundamentally sound way in which to conduct your day-to-day. 

Consider Step One for a moment.  Everyone has problems.  Mine are different from yours as yours are from mine.  Mine are more important to me than yours are to me because I own them.  But it does not mean mine are worse or less than yours.  And because they are not I should not presume that you have enough free time in your day-to-day to take on the burden of worrying about my problems in addition to your own.  No one owes me a damn thing.  Ditto for you.  The sooner you wrap your head around that concept the better off you will be.  If you prefer, then think of it this way.   Problems exist.  Time spent whining about them or wallowing around does not solve them. 

As for Step Two, consider this.  If your head remains wedged in your ass you will never know where you are going.  Worse yet you will fail to take in all the great stuff you see on Life's journey.

 Plus your hair will smell like poop all the time....  

....and that is not good for anyone.


No comments: