Tuesday, February 5, 2013

To Kill A Mockingbird....

....and a sparrow.  And a jay.  And a cardinal.  And a finch.

When is the last time you - or anyone you know - spent any discernible amount of time out of doors and thought to yourself, "Where have all the birds gone?  Why is the sky so bereft of winged creatures?  Why are  the boughs and branches of all of the trees barren?"  If your life experience is anything close to mine, then the next time such an event occurs, it shall be the very first time that it has happened.    And if it does occur and you find yourself with an itch that just needs to be scratched in terms of some avian companionship, get a bag of crackers, take a drive to the closest park or to the nearest beach and start tossing the bag's contents onto the ground or onto the sand.  It took longer for you to read that last sentence than it shall take for winged freeloaders to arrive on the scene.  

You will forgive me therefore if I had difficulty tamping down my laugh out loud reflex when I saw this headline in the January 29, 2013 on-line edition of USA Today:  Roaming cats kill up to 3.7B birds annually.   Who the hell - exactly - is financing the employment of a person or persons charged with the enormous responsibility of tracking the number of bird deaths each year and - whether those deaths are attributable to natural causes, man or feline tormentors?  I am happy you asked.  It turns out that you and I are.  The 3.7 Billion figure is the result of a three-year study paid for by the United States Fish and Wildlife Service (a/k/a "Us").  I am curious to know just how many of those inbred, redneck ass hats who voted against Hurricane Sandy relief for those of us who live in the Northeast voted with both thumbs up to fund this study.  I would be willing to wager that if it was not 100% assent then it was pretty goddamn close.  

Odd how I do not recall anyone manning the ramparts in defense of all winged creatures great and small when a flock who apparently fought off feline attackers managed to take down a jumbo jet shortly after it took off from LaGuardia Airport one January day four winters ago.  But for the actions of one cool cat one hundred and fifty-five mammals of the human variety would have died.   Sarah Palin and other members of the lunatic fringe in the GOP were ready to (a) deport all geese irrespective of national origin; (b) invade Canada again; or (c) both.   My how the worm has turned. 

If you are among those horrified by the levels of "cat on bird" violence ongoing perpetually (or so it seems) in these United States, then be thankful that cats are incapable of arming and firing slingshots.  "Two birds.  One stone."  Do the math.  The carnage would be staggering....


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