Thursday, February 28, 2013

A Long-Ago Asked Question Finally Is Answered

The dual ravages of time and chemicals - mostly those found in liquid-based recreational forms - have taken their toll upon my mind.  I know no longer am what I once was.  Given the simpering mess that I am now, I know not whether that thought makes me laugh, cry or simply throw up my hands.  If you are betting at home, opt for what was just revealed to be behind Curtain #3.   Just saying.

For reasons that escape me now I have a recollection of one or more of my three eldest sibs (Bill, Evan and Kelly) being the creator of one or two truly awful jokes that were shared with me when I was little dude.  One of them (and I think this might have been Evan's handiwork) was this gem: 

                    Q.:  Why did the woman get off of the train?  
                    A.:  She forgot her pocketbook.  

The other comedy nugget mined from the sinkhole of my memory (and I cannot recall from whose well of comic genius this one sprung) seems quite appropriate today.  It too was set up in traditional Question and Answer format:  

                     Q.: What did one Pope say to the other Pope?  
                     A.:  Pope Pope.  

Never in my wildest dreams as a preschooler or as a student at first St. Paul's Prison Camp or thereafter at Immaculate Conception School did I think I would see the day where the latter not only represented cutting-edge, far ahead of its time comedy but also a concise statement of current events.  

Today my dreams have been realized.  

Today marks the end of the reign of Pope Benedict XVI.   While the College of Cardinals shall not convene until at the earliest next Monday to begin the process of selecting a new Pope - and it saddens me to realize that the last Cardinal standing is not likely to be either my personal favorite for the gig or Mickey Rourke (who unlike anyone in the College of Cardinals actually has some prior Pope-playing experience) - effective 8:00 P.M. local time today Pope Benedict XVI shall be Pope no longer.  His new title? He shall be called either pope emeritus, emeritus pope of Roman pontifex emeritus. I suspect had they asked the old boy he would have opted for "Eggs" or "Benny" over any of those three.  Maybe something a bit more "street" would have been to his liking:  "EB XVI" or some such thing.  

As someone whose Catholicism lapsed shortly after the warranty expired at or about the time I made my first  Holy Communion (as if it would be an event if if was not the "First" and as if the "Holy" is not implied), I hope that the frauds and doctrinaires who dominate the Roman Catholic Church in the same manner as they do each and every organized religion worldwide get exposed during the next few days.

It would really delight me to no end if all of them, including those in the business of using "the Church" as a cudgel to beat the tar out of everyday, regular folks, and those who they dominate and intimidate with all of their blather and nonsense discover simultaneously that the role of the Pope has an importance previously reserved only for the role of Darrin on Bewitched in the day-to-day business of those of us here on Earth.   To paraphrase both the Chairman of the Board and Diamond Dave, "Life goes on without him." 

Once the sheep come to realize that a dottering, frail old man transported from place to place standing upright inside a vehicle covered in bulletproof glass is simply a figurehead and not an actual leader and that - holy shit - they can in fact dictate their own destiny methinks that the collection plate at Sunday services worldwide might be a little lighter come nightfall.   

Can I get an "Amen"....

No?  No bother.  Truth be told I was not expecting one. 


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