Sunday, January 27, 2013

What Time is Adult Swim?

Here in the playground we call these United States these are several of the 'news' stories that made....well, news this week. 

An incumbent President's Inauguration Part Deux is historically a much more low-key affair than the maiden inaugural voyage.  I suppose that is why THE story that came out of Monday's ceremony was not anything our Commander-in-Chief did or said but rather what Beyonce sang - or did not sing.  Egads!  It was first reported by the United States Marine Corps Band that she lip-synced her way through a rendition of the National Anthem that she had recorded with the USMC Band at a rehearsal session that took place a day earlier - although the USMC itself backed off its initial statement shortly after it made it and instead called its ability to assess what she did or did not do into question.   After saying nothing on the subject for a couple of days, by mid-week Beyonce not only acknowledged that she had in fact done so and managed to strike a somewhat defiant pose with regard to those who criticized her for it.  

With that mystery resolved, we can now turn our attention to the really important question about her performance:  which was more impressive (a) the emphatic manner in which she performed the Anthem on Monday; or (b) the fact that the USMC Band "play-synced" all of their instruments?   Maybe it was neither.  It could have been President Clinton sitting through her entire performance without photo-bombing her once.   Kelly Clarkson did not fare nearly as well. 

While the whole "Did She or Did She Not" drama was being exhaustively reported on by the press - well those not detailed to unearth whether Manti Te'o from Notre Dame is among the world's most gullible occupants or simply its most self-motivated, you might have missed these two little nuggets brought to you by   a few of my fellow residents of the State of Concrete Gardens.  Both of them involve fast-food establishments.  Sorry.  It is not "fast food".  It is "good food served quickly".  I always screw that up.  

Earlier this week the exploits of a man identified as Tyrone Harris - described as a 26 y/o man from Morristown - and his brief, spectacular career at Dunkin' Donuts received a fair amount of ink in these parts.  According to the Morristown Police, January 12, 2013 was Tyrone's first day on the job at the Dunkin' Donuts on Lafayette Avenue.  Shortly after Harris had arrived to begin his first shift at DD - while he was in the office getting his name tag from the location's manager, he spied with his little eyes a bit more than $2K in the manager's desk drawer.  He had been in the store for seven minutes.  After swiping the cash, Harris reportedly told the manager that rather than stay on-site to complete his training he was going to go home and complete it on-line.  It was not until after Harris departed that the manager discovered his desk had been burgled.  America may indeed run on Dunkin' but Tyrone Harris?  He runs from Dunkin' as fast as he can.  The $2K he earned for seven minutes on the job makes him the second highest-earning per hour employee in the company's history behind only Fred the Baker....

And just in case anyone you know was fresh out of reasons to hate lawyers and the practice of law, we the people of the State of Concrete Gardens have just the remedy to scratch that itch for you too.  This past Tuesday in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Burlington County in Mount Holly two men - John Farley of Evesham and Charles Noah Pendrack of Ocean City - filed suit against Subway "claiming that the world's biggest fast-food chain has been shorting them by selling so-called "foot long" sandwiches that measure a bit less than 12 inches."   And what to Messrs. Farley and Pendrack seek for their troubles?  Other than perhaps a few additional angina-free days tacked on to the end of their lives that is.  They seek compensatory damages and a change to Subway's practices.   

Why would any attorney take such a case?  I fear that the devil is in the details of a statement their counsel gave to the press during which he spoke of his efforts to attain class-action status here in New Jersey and to thereafter initiate a similar action in the Pennsylvania state court system - in Philadelphia of course.   Happiness for their attorney will be fully realized if he recruits enough individuals who have suffered the same outrage as Farley and Pendrack for when Subway eventually settles this suit, which they shall most assuredly do, he will be not just the attorney of record for these two gentlemen but the "prevailing attorney" in a successful class-action suit.  While Farley, Pendrack and their brethren will get Subway Sandwich Cards and  autographed pictures of Jared, their attorney will be compensated in a far more practical and rewarding form of "cabbage".  

Class-action litigation has its place and it serves - when a class is certified for a legitimate reason - a very important purpose.  Class-action litigation has brought about real change in various manufacturing ventures and processes, which change has saved lives.   However this type of nonsense galls me - and I practice law for a living.    You know why people hate lawyers?  Because we make it so goddamned easy for them to do so. 


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