On the heels of the special guest appearance of Hurricane (for the love of whatever faux deity you worship if I hear just one more asshole call it "Super Storm" as if hyperbole is needed to fully appreciate the damage it left in its wake) Sandy here in the State of Concrete Gardens and the requests, pleas and entreaties by whatever name necessary that property owners and business owners here have had to make of FEMA, the timing of a particular petition that has appeared on the White House's official web site is a bit of a head-scratcher. To me anyway.
Joe R. from Sewell - not to be confused with Joe the Plumber from the 2008 campaign - has started a petition on the "We the People" section of the White House's web site. Joe's petition seeks permission from the United States for New Jersey to secede from the United States. According to nj.com as of yesterday morning, there were more than 9,000 signatures to the petition.
The people we entrust to run the Union clearly learned the lessons of the War Between the States (I find "Civil War" to be the ultimate oxymoron) well. Way back when, South Carolina announced its intention to secede by lobbing cannonballs at the troops manning a post at Fort Sumter. Here in the uber-civilized 21st Century we man not the front lines but the on-lines? It certainly spills less blood - although the uptick in cases of carpal tunnel syndrome reported among cyber-revolutionaries is astronomical and continuing to climb.
According to the White House, if a petition receives at least 25,000 signatures by December 10, 2012 it shall be sent by the White House staff to "appropriate policy experts for review" (presupposing that there is still someone kicking around from the one and only Jefferson Davis Administration I reckon) in advance of an official response being provided. New Jersey is one of twenty states that has such a petition on the "We the People" site. The link to the petition is here. I could not help but notice when I perused it just how many of the signatures are from people who live somewhere other than New Jersey. Expatriates? Or simply our fellow Americans long itching for the chance to get rid of us and doggedly determined to not let this opportunity pass them by? I know not.
Texas has a secession petition of its own. Its petition had - as of yesterday morning - almost 68,000 signatories to it, which is close to three times the number needed to elicit an official White House response. In view of how bad an ass-kicking the GOP took this year in the Presidential Election and the disproportionate number of its Electoral College votes that came from Texas one would think that the White House just might call their bluff. Take Texas out of the column of Romney, M. and he starts bearing a rather marked resemblance to McGovern, G.
My favorite petition among the ones available for viewing is the one calling for (a) stripping the citizenship from everyone who has signed a secession petition; and (b) deporting them. As of 11:00 a.m. Eastern Time yesterday only 1,281 people had signed it. There is also a petition with more than 36,000 signatures affixed to it already - demanding a recount of the 2012 Presidential Election. I am not a smart man. Yet even I know the official response that particular petition is going to receive from the White House.
My second-favorite petition is the one initiated by the people of Mexico, not objecting to Texas seceding from the United States, but conditioning their approval on Mexico not being required to re-annex it. I signed that one. Too tempting to resist....
....OK, stop looking for it on the White House site. It does not exist. But the thought that it might brought a smile to your face.