Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tickling Their Buying Bone

If you are in the vicinity of 'NTSG this Friday or Saturday how about doing a soon-to-be father of the bride a solid and stopping by 113 Howard Avenue and buying some of the treasures that the Missus is selling at....wait for it....A GARAGE SALE.  Come early! Stay late!  Buy lots!   On second thought, as long as you focus your energy on the third element of that most unholy of Trinities you might just make this grown man cry. 

Unbeknownst to me the basement at Suzy B/Joe's home was constructed in a manner akin to the clown car at the circus.  A seemingly endless amount of "stuff" (that shall be the descriptor du Jour so as to not scare off potential customers) was stored within its four walls.  This week's effort represents at least the third or fourth effort the Missus has made to find a new home for those treasures whose future at 113 Howard no longer appears to be as bright as it once might have been. 

I know from watching the manner in which Margaret attacks something as benign as a Garage Sale just what a phenomenal job she is going to do helping Suz plan her wedding.  But for the weather - over which she had grudgingly ceded control to Mother Nature - she has plotted and graphed every aspect of this sale with maddening precision and frightening efficiency. 

As is the case with most things in our household for which the Missus holds out any hope for even a modicum of success, my involvement in this endeavor has been very limited.  To date I have spearheaded the purchase of the metal sign posts upon which our (code of course for "Margaret's") hand-lettered and personally-designed "GARAGE SALE" signs (double-sided) were affixed.   And as the runner in the family, I was responsible for coming up with the "Top Ten" locations in town where to plant our flag/signs.  We spent this morning's wee wee hours (meaning "really early" and not "potty time") before I left for work  be bopping all over town under the cover of darkness in order to place them in their temporary homes.  If this sale is greeted by the sound of crickets, then one of us will have a lot of  'splaining to do to the other one of us.  Unless I can figure out a way to blame poor sales on the fox we saw at the corner of Greenbrook Road and 28 when we placed two signs at that busy intersection - or the deer who was strolling down Marlborough Avenue when we placed our final sign at the corner of Marlborough and Harris.  It is a conversation I hope to avoid having to have at all costs.

If we are the owners of any luck at all at the very least a sizable portion of the "treasures" that shall be available for purchase on Friday and Saturday shall safely be ensconced in someone else's basement by the time dawn breaks on Sunday morning.

And before you ask, please be advised that unlike Cosmo Kramer we shall not consider trades of any kind irrespective of however interesting they might be....

....not even dance lessons from Zorba the Greek.     


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