Sunday, July 29, 2012

Tigers and Their Young

I long ago passed the point in my life where my reservoir of patience for ignorance became considerably smaller than its companion tote for stupidity.  Actually that is a lie.  My reservoir of patience for ignorance went dry too long ago for me to accurately recall an exact date.  But I digress...

I suppose it is because ignorance is a fundamental and inevitable offshoot of laziness.  And lazy is a concept I have never possessed the ability to wrap my head around.  And for anyone reading this who presumes I cannot discern the difference between laziness and relaxation I say simply this:  your bliss makes my skin chafe.  And now that you have finished saying, "Huh?" you can put your head back to level and face your eyes forward.  That went so far over your head you cannot see it no matter how hard you look....or how long you look skyward.

There are many things I find distasteful about humans.  Most of those things are among those that I confront every morning when I see the face that stares back at me in the bathroom mirror.  I assure you that I do not suffer from a terminal case of Odor-Free Poops.  If you do not believe me, then ask my wife.  She can verify.  However one of the traits that I do see from time to time in others that does not afflict me is "professional nonchalance". 

To me, it is simple:  give an honest day's work in exchange for an honest day's pay.  If you like neither your job nor your rate of compensation then exercise free will and do something about it.  If what you choose to do is remain in the employ of your present employer, then do more than shuffle your lazy ass into work at some time in the morning - typically after the work day has commenced for your colleagues - and reverse the process at day's end - typically before many of your colleagues have themselves called it a day.  When you work for me and I pay you, I have a newsflash for you petunia:  You are not doing me a favor by honestly and earnestly working daily to earn that pay.  You are doing your f*cking job. 

My favorite thing about having actually lived as long as I have - other than the collection of gray hair I am acquiring in the hope that one day it replaces the dollar as legal tender for payment of all debts, public and private, in these United States - is the rant that people of my generation like to drop on those who are a generation behind us.  Those who are in the age group of my two kids, their respective significant others, a good number of their cousins and their friends.  We the people who grew up in the 70's and 80's love to express outrage - faux and otherwise - at them and those things that they are unwilling or unable to do.  What a crock of shit.  I come at this from an admittedly biased perspective but my two twentysomethings will out work and out think your mid-40's to mid-50's ass every day of the week and for good measure Suz will squat you a half-dozen times....just because she can.  

The worst offenders I see and have to deal with on a day in/day out basis of the "Lay My Head on the Railroad Tracks" Club are people my age and the membership of that group is predominantly male.    It is as if the same short-pant wearing sissies who made up the He-Man Woman Haters Club have "grown up" (giving that term the broadest possible definitional interpretation) to become full-fledged douchebags.   Amazing.  Utterly amazing.

I think I am going to write Governor Christie to see if we can perhaps get "Punch Someone in the Larynx" Day added to the list of State holidays.  He and I can work on an agreeable date.  My brother Kelly can design the card....

....I am quite confident he already has several excellent ideas. 

-AK


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