Friday, June 15, 2012

(Signs of the) Apocalypse Now

Two entities that - silly me - I had presumed had been permanently consigned to the scrap heap of history are coming together this evening. Nik Wallenda of the Flying Wallendas is going to walk a tightrope across Niagara Falls. Why? While the answer that leaps to the forefront of my mind is, "Who f**king knows?" the real answer appears to be because both Wallenda and Niagara Falls can make money off of the attempt. Well, at least Niagara Falls can. This undertaking appears to be costing Wallenda what I would consider to be at least a mid-sized fortune.

ABC is televising this spectacle but as a condition of broadcasting it on network TV, it is requiring Wallenda to wear a safety harness that is (as I understand it) tethered to the tightrope. Thus, even if he is blown off of the rope itself he should be able to avoid death - if not disappointment. Perhaps it is just the cynic in me but him being tethered to the tightrope sort of converts this into a half-assed, horizontal bungee jump.

Incredibly, three hours of prime-time television is going to be devoted to this nonsense. When I thought for a moment that he was actually engaging in this incredible act of attention whoredom and might indeed be risking his life, I contemplated tuning in at least one time to check out how he was doing. Truth be told I would have been rooting for the wind and the water. Now that the "death-defying" has been reduced to "vomit-inducing" it has lost what litle appeal it held. For me, at least.

Of course, if ABC wanted to spice things up by permitting this attention whore to walk on his little tightrope - tethered to it if he must be - while carrying a member of the First Family of Attention Whoredom on his back then you might get my eyeballs to the front of the set. I care not at all which Kardashian rides shotgun on the walk across....

....just as long as there is no tether.

-AK

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