Sunday, April 22, 2012

Green Leaves and Potted Plants

Humans are hot stuff. As the dominant species on this particular planet, we deign to set aside one day each year to honor our host and our home. Such arrogant pricks are we that Earth Day turns 42 today. How nice to belong to the segment of the human population that is older than THE one global holiday. It is little wonder that sharks attack us and grizzly bears maul us. We deserve it. They know it. We are the d-baggiest species on the planet.

Presumably here on the big blue marble every day other than today is Uranus Day. Something has to account for the proliferation of all things Kardashian, the continuing popularity of Jersey Shore and Rick Santorum.

A lifetime ago when I was an undergrad at CU-Boulder I did my part to cherish and preserve the earth by consuming my fair share of "grass". I enjoyed it now and again and do not think it had any long-term impact upon my mental acuity. Truth be told, when you start with a small handful of brain cells the loss of three or four is negligible. It harmed no one and was greatly appreciated by the folks in the UMC who sold brownies and oversized chocolate chip cookies. I did my level best to help pay their kid's college tuition.

While I remember enjoying a good smoke now and again I have no specific recollection of there being a day on campus that purported to turn Norlin Quad into one big hookah lounge. It is possible that I do not remember 04/20 being a date of any importance during my golden era of collegiate cannabis consumption because I was simply so stoned that I have forgotten. Possible but not bloody likely.

These days, however, in Boulder 04/20 has become some sort of unofficial high holy day (clever word play right there - did you see it? I told you that smoking weed did not have no impact on myself!) among the marijuana-smoking community. So much so that this Friday, the folks who run CU essentially locked down the campus in an effort to keep the several thousand stoners who annually congregate on Norlin Quad from doing so. In terms of keeping down the number of people who participated in this year's event, the tactic was a success. In terms of the decision to pay Wyclef Jean $80,000 to perform at a free concert at the Events Center that was attended by fewer than 1,000 people, not so much.

And let me not forget to mention the economic downturn experienced by all of Boulder's local pizza joints and Taco Bells. Especially Taco Bell. No human not impaired by the prior consumption of some sort of 'substance' rationally considers that crapatorium a place at which to dine. For those all hopped up by the issue of illegal immigrants streaming across our Southern borders, forget the plan to spend a gazillion dollars to build the Great Wall of Laredo. Simply have Border Patrol personnel greet clandestine crossees with a complimentary meal from Taco Bell. Better than barbed wire and gun turrets every day of the week.

Happy Earth Day everyone. Now get out there and hug a rock. And you plowmen? You know what to do.

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