Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Guaranteed to Bring You a Smile

I for one am not sorry to see January get its bony ass on out of here. If this month is intended to serve as a window through which I can see how the remaining 11 slices of 2012 are going to be served to me, I think I shall just climb back into bed again with a note pinned to my chest, "Do Not Wake Up 'Til 2013."

As is the case with all things - as a general rule anyway - as bad as January has been, it has not been without its charms. Take for example the story of Santa Ana Zuloaga-Campuzano of Chicago. As an aside to my fellow Springsteen fans out there, given his age (30) he appears not to be this Santa Ana. Mr. Zuloaga-Campuzano was arrested by Chicago police in the wee small hours of last Sunday morning. When the police first encountered him, "he was sleeping in a 2002 Ford Expedition that was stopped in the median of 115th Street at South Doty Avenue in the Riverdale neighborhood, according to a police report. The vehicle was littered with empty beer cans, and Zuloaga-Campuzano mumbled, belched and laughed as he talked with officers, authorities said."

Even I have enough real-world awareness to recognize that what makes his tale one of humor and not one of tragedy or outrage is that he inflicted no harm on anyone but himself as a result of his night out on the town. He is reported to have told the police that he consumed eight beers, three shots of tequila and three shots of cognac prior to beginning his journey home. He is reported to have told the police that he simply stopped to go to sleep so that he would not hurt anyone. If it was not for what happened once he was taken into custody and to the Calumet District police station for processing, then the funniest part of this story might have been this piece of it: Asked to submit to a breath test, he refused, saying, "What's the point? I know I'm drunk," according to a police report.

It is however precisely because of what happened once Zuloaga-Campuzano reached the Calumet District police station that his wonderfully concise statement against interest is reduced to the status of an amusing anecdote. Once again, courtesy of the Chicago Tribune:

After police found him asleep and surrounded by empty beer cans in an SUV that was obstructing traffic, a Chicago man urinated on the police station floor and then entertained himself by singing loudly and playing air piano, prosecutors said.

The story made no mention of Zuloaga-Campuzano's setlist but I suspect that he probably opened with this one and played this piece as his encore.

And if you missed him Saturday night, good news! He shall be playing the greater Calumet District for the next couple of days or until his arraignment anyway. If you go to check him out remember not to sit too close.

He is a performance artist after all.


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