Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Day Worth Shooting Down....

The most advantageous thing about being a moron is that the bar is lowered just about to shin level regarding things that delight, shock and amaze me. It is as if the remote control I hold in my hand is programmed to channel surf nothing but good stuff (speaking of which, I hope everyone else is as excited as I am by the promise of Friday night's show on Nat Geo WILD: Shark Attack Experiment LIVE).

I spent a bit of my Sunday out and about. Skate and I made our usual jaunt up the mountain to the A&P for the weekly grocery shopping. During that portion of Sunday, the sky was sunny and blue. It really was a quite gorgeous late November morning. At some point later on that afternoon - while I was apparently otherwise engaged - the weather turned. Slate gray replaced azure blue as the sky's Crayola of choice. Where only a few hours earlier not even a whiff of rain could be detected, its impending arrival was announced in broad brush strokes.

It was at or about this point that a reasonable man might have asked himself, "Self - while I was out running around this morning and it was so bright, sunny and warm that I had the window down in my car, did I ever remember to go back out onto the driveway and shut it?" Had said man asked said question, then a stupid man - and one whose resemblance to my mirror's reflection is uncanny - might not have needed scuba fins and a regulator to drive to work Monday morning.

A generation ago Geldof posed the question, "Tell me why I don't like Mondays?" to which almost everyone has an answer or two. Add "swamp ass" to the compilation under my photo. Thanks.

Actually, I am kidding about the swamp ass. Having walked out onto our driveway yesterday morning (in the still-teeming rain) and been confronted by an open space where my driver's side window would have been - had it been rolled up - I did a quick inspection of Skate to see just how bad things were inside the car. Much to my chagrin and in response to the query, "How much water did the car's cloth driver's seat absorb?", the answer proved to be, "All of it." Fortunately we have a large box full of what Costco sells as "Contractor-size garbage bags". Judging by the size of them, I presume that the name suggests a method of disposal for a plumber or handyman who really pisses you off while working at your home. Whether you can lift him off of the ground is your issue I suppose but there is clearly enough space within this garbage bag to place the body of an average-sized adult. No question about it.

Its jumbo size came in very handy on my morning commute seeing as driving to the surface of the sun for the purpose of flash-drying Skate's interior was not available to me as a remedy. I admit that I felt like a character from a Tarantino movie, driving while seated on a large plastic bag that completely covered the driver's seat - as if I was attempting to avoid leaving any trace evidence behind at a crime scene. Nothing quite like starting the work week by giving off the impression of being a human-flavored fruit roll-up.

Ignorance may be bliss but stupidity is ecstasy....

....while providing yet another reason not to like Mondays.

-AK

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