Saturday, October 22, 2011

While Somewhere George Carlin Smiles....

I am among the worst people in the world for keeping track of things such as birthdays of siblings, nieces/nephews (forget cousins - I gave up hoping to know them by name about 25 years ago and since names are not known to me, dates of significance in their lives are not even a hopeful goal) and anniversaries of my brothers and sisters and their respective spouses. However, I do know how to read. Thus I know that just yesterday the oldest of us Kenny sibs celebrated an anniversary for I read mention of it earlier this week here. Happy Anniversary Bill and Sigrid!

While I am confident that George Carlin would indeed smile at knowing that someone who was a great fan of his is celebrating an anniverary this week, it is not Bill/Sigrid's good news - or the positive results of Suz's Texas campaign or even Mom's ever-improving medical condition - that served as the grist for todays' titular mill. If only that was the case. Instead, what caught my eye today is something I read in the newspaper several days ago that reminded me of an old Carlin bit.

It was a Carlin bit that illustrated both his comfortably casual use of profanity and his love of language. Often people speak of someting about which they have no firm opinion one way or another as something they could take or leave. While we might think of them as interchangeable concepts, Carlin demonstrated that in certain circumstances, the quirky nature of English might just be enough to confuse someone unfamiliar with the language and its assorted tics, wrinkles and idiosyncracies.

I speak of course of the Carlin classic, "Take A Shit". In slightly more than one minute, he demonstrated the difference between what we say and what we mean. He left alone what it means when it is all f*cked up. Thankfully, we had Warren Zevon to handle that part of the presentation.

In the bucolic Turnpike-neighboring of the Borough of Carteret, 18 year-old Hadith Caesar has taken the teachings of wise old Professor Carlin to heart. Young Mr. Caesar was apprehended by the Carteret Police on Saturday after allegedly burglarizing a parked car on a Borough street. Mr. Caesar took several items of personal property from the vehicle but it was the one item that he left behind - although grammarians will point out he "took" it - that was noteworthy. He dropped a deuce on the vehicle's back seat. Fair trade right? He did not really steal the vehicle owner's Garmin GPS, he merely traded it for a pile of steamy goodness.

My favorite part of this story ("What? We have not gotten there yet", you ask. "No loyal reader but hold fast for it is fast approaching", I say in response) is that the Carteret Police suspect Caesar is a "serial defecator". No s***, well no "you know" that is indeed what they suspect. Apparently, since mid-September at least two other vehicles have been burglarized in Carteret by someone who has taken several items from each vehicle and left behind a #2 as a "remember me always" token. The newspaper story about this case is laugh out loud funny, especially this portion of it:

And while police charged him [Caesar] for breaking into the car and leaving behind the excrement, further investigation is needed to determine if the man is a serial defecator connected to two similar incidents last month.

"Further investigation". Boy that sounds fun. "Hey Tony you got corn niblets in your stack of poo? Me too. If you find tater tots and Chinese food, let me know. We will have this little bastard by the short hairs for sure." Happiness is being the members in the Carteret PD or the Middlesex County Crime Lab tasked to this investigation; eh? I know not how their investigation will turn out. However I would be quite surprised to see Ted Danson and the folks from CSI tackling a case just like this one during one of the critical May Sweeps episodes.

Somewhere today George Carlin smiles. And if for just a moment or two, you did as well, then our work here is finished. Remember - before you go to bed tonight - lock all your car's doors, roll up all the windows and put a roll of plastic down on the back seat. You can never be too safe.

See you tomorrow.


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