Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Mother That Is Necessity

A million years ago - way back when - before the number of Dunkin' Donuts exploded across the landscape of America like a hutch of Viagra-popping rabbits, Dunkin' Donuts had commercials that ran on TV in New York that starred the same short, balding, mustached actor who played Sam Breakstone in the Breakstone TV spots (sour cream, cottage cheese). One of their spots featured him saying repeatedly, "Donuts. It's time to make the donuts." It was my favorite....although the one with him in drag doing a bit of "recon" at the supermarket's bakery counter occupies a spot on the medal stand too. The theme of the spots was always the same: it is the quality of our donuts that makes Dunkin' Donuts worth the trip.

Whether "Quality is Job 1" at Dunkin' Donuts stores across these United States presently I do not pretend to know. I know though that at least at one store in bucolic Morris County, New Jersey it is not the Tropicana Orange Juice Coolatta or the bear claws that makes a stop at the store's drive-up window worth the trip. Not by a longshot.

Rather, in aptly named Rockaway Boro, the police have arrested 29-year-old Melissa Redmond, a night-time employee at the local DD for her interesting and ingenious method for filling up the old tip jar. The allegations are as humorous - how can you not love a sting named "Operation Extra Sugar" (although how they passed on "Operation Whipped Cream" is beyond me) as they are salacious. The long and the short of it (pun intended) is that the police in Rockaway Boro allege that the local Wendy's was not the only establishment in town at which a Frosty could be purchased at the drive-thru window late at night. At the Dunkin' Donuts a Frosty with topping will cost you a bit more than a regular old Frosty.

The accused denies any wrongdoing and claims entrapment. Is she telling the truth? I know not. I do know that having learned of what was actually going on at the drive-thru window, the sign taped on the menu board where you place your order before rolling up to pay finally makes sense: MUNCHKINS: TWO FOR $10.00 / REGULAR SIZE: $7.50 EACH I always thought that location's prices were outrageously high. Now? Not so much....

Knowing many, loving none - Bearin' sorrow having fun - But back home he'll always run - To sweet Melissa...mmmm...


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