Saturday, August 13, 2011

A Little of This....

At week's end, some random observations from an admittedly odd man (when your own daughter refers to you as "Autism Adam" in a vain attempt to explain you to family and friend alike that particular shoe fits quite well, I assure you).

I did not understand from whence it came and I know not for certain what caused it to depart but the rash/poison ivy/infection that had bedeviled me for the better part of a month has finally departed. While I hope I never have reason to seek his services again, if you ever find yourself troubled by a medical issue dermatological then seek the wisdom of Dr. Eisenberg. He shall not do wrong by you. He is a Cornell guy after all. And much like the only other Cornell guy I know, he is top-notch. Although in fairness to Dr. Eisenberg I doubt he possesses the encyclopedic knowledge of movies that Chris does....or his love of Star Tavern pizza. But then again, few do.

In case you remain at a loss to understand why exactly monkeys, chimps (and all of our primate cousins) hurl their feces through the bars of their cages at us humans on the other side when we do the walk-by in the zoo, perhaps these two examples of human behavior will serve to enlighten, inform and illuminate.

Exhibit A: Robert Vietze. While flying JetBlue cross-country young Mr. Vietze apparently mistook the leg of a sleeping 11-year-old girl for the bathroom and pissed on her. In his defense, he claimed that the EIGHT in-flight cocktails he had been served impaired his vision and his aim. Kudos to JetBlue. Nice to know that in addition to DirectTV at every seat, one can get liquored up on one of their planes regardless of whether he is of legal drinking age. And better still is the fact that Vietze is not your run of the mill 18 year-old miscreant. No sir. He is a young star in the U.S. Ski Program and an Olympic hopeful. Where was spontaneous, inappropriate urination as an Olympic event when I was 18? All we got was synchronized swimming. Rumor has it that while both the USOC and JetBlue initially considered him a favorite for the Gold Medal, the USOC rustled around in its box of "things rarely used" and found its spine. As of Friday, Jean Claude PeePee was a "former" Olympic hopeful. Perhaps he can wrangle an invite to the closing ceremonies. Rumor has it he can extinguish the Olympic Flame from five rows away.

Exhibit B: All of the New York Giants fans who have taken to attacking former Giants receiver Steve Smith - on his Facebook page no less - for his decision to leave the Giants and sign a contract with the Eagles. I have been a Giants fan forever so color me less than thrilled that Smith is now a former Giant. But being the wearer of real, genuine big boy pants I recognize that football is above all else a business. Smith's loyalty is - as it should be - to himself and his family first and foremost. If you want a crash course in bottom-feeding human behavior then click "Like" on Smith's page so that you can read the unbelievably offensive and obnoxious comments people have posted there about Smith - using their own names presumably. Comments ranging from racial epithets to wishes for him to suffer a career-ending injury. Apparently again this year the parking lots at PSL Stadium will be stained with the blood from those whose dragging knuckles scrape along the macadam as they cover the distance from their car to the stadium and back.

And now back to our regularly scheduled tangent....

I am not a golfer. I played a bit as a kid, having been taught the game by my friend Doug Carroll who was a good enough golfer to earn multiple varsity letters on what was a good high school team. I did not play the game for very long. When I played, I did not find myself relying upon my caddie for advice. Considering that my caddie looked eerily like the then clean-shaven rube staring back at me in the bathroom mirror, my lack of faith in him was neither surprising nor ill-advised. I cannot pretend to speak with any knowledge therefore as to the importance of one's caddie to the folks who earn their daily bread playing professional golf.

I do know this, however, to be true. Caddying for Tiger Woods for a dozen years put a lot of money in Steve Williams' pocket. Not a bad way to become a millionaire I would think. Whether you like Tiger Woods, despise Tiger Woods or (like me) consider him irrelevant to your day-to-day I know not and care even less. Note to Steve Williams: next time you go out to eat, order a healthy serving of STFU. Kudos to Woods for not returning fire. For a guy whose driving skills (both on the road and on the course) have seemed to diminish before our very eyes in the past twenty-one months, Woods did something that might have surprised you: he took the high road.

My least favorite thing about Rob's gig is that he lives in Colorado, which is roughly two-thirds of the way across the country. My favorite thing about Rob's gig? He lives in Colorado. His present placement, within an hour's drive or so of Boulder, gives me the perfect excuse to channel my inner Horace Greeley on a recurring basis. In November, Margaret and I are going to play hooky for a couple of days and head out to Boulder. Depending upon the weather and the team's record as of Saturday the 12th, we might in fact spend part of that day at Folsom Field watching the Buffs play Arizona. Presuming that his plans for Thanksgiving do not include a trip East, heading out to Colorado will give us an opportunity to spend a bit of time with Rob. Talk about you all-inclusive packages: see Rob and spend time in what is one of my favorite places on the planet. Does not get much better than that.

In case you missed it - and I would have were it not for the fact that I read via my "smartphone" at least a dozen newspapers daily, including the Los Angeles Times - there was very exciting news on the cancer research front this week. With the possible exception of President Bush (43)(for whom I voted both times he ran for President so do not gripe to me about picking on him) I know less about science than any human being in recorded history. Thus, the explanation of what the trials have shown to date sailed over my head. However, given how excited Dr. Nadler from Harvard Medical School (where they do in fact know a thing or two science and stuff) seemed to be about the results, I presume the news to be both (a) good; and (b) significant. And I hope that this news represents nothing less than the tip of the spear as it were and that additional good news follows behind it. Too many good people of all ages, colors, genders, ethnicities and religious denominations are attacked by cancer in this nation and around the world every day. Anything that helps turn the battle in favor of at least certain of them is nothing short of spectacular news.

Enjoy your Saturday. I am spending a portion of my morning on the boards at Asbury Park, running this year as I did last year in the Asbury Park 5K. Last year, it was nothing short of picture-perfect on race day. Looking out my window presently I see a whole lot of darkness. Here's to hoping that when day breaks it brings the sun with it but leaves the humidity at home. Call me a dreamer but it does not hurt to think big; right?

-AK

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