Saturday, May 21, 2011

After The Earthquake

I stopped on the way home last night from work and bought myself a fancy new vehicle.  Can we really afford a $72,000 car?  Who knows.  Not a question I asked when I slapped down my old reliable Amex Gold Card to take it off the lot.  How much are the monthly payments?  Who cares.  I have it on pretty good information that the point is moot.  I do not foresee having to make any. 

And even if I am left uncaptured by the Rapture today - and given the life I have lived to date the likelihood of boarding an elevator that goes up after the doors close is probably not very good - I still do not intend to make a single payment.  Again, I have it on pretty good information that the five months between Rapture Day and Doomsday are going to be chock full of some pretty funky sh*t.  Will the dealer from whom I "bought" my luxury ride have the time to devote to chasing me for the vehicle?  Not bloody likely! For once anarchy arrives, concerns over mundane things such as vehicle repossession take a back seat.  Pun intended - just in case you were curious.

Not even a person anticipating the end of the world as he knows it places all of his eggs in one basket.  In the event that all of the snickerers are wrong and the perceived crank Harold Camping is right, the sinners among us are going to need a place to live to wait out the bitter end.  I do not know what your plan is but this fella is channeling his inner mole and going under.  Underground that is.  Be it ever so humble there is no place like a doomsday bunker.  In keeping with my new found economic status, I have spared no expense building the little hole in the ground that shall keep our family safe and sound.  Money is no object when it comes to the protection of one's family....

....especially when one pays for one's doomsday bunker with a check dated October 22, 2011.  A boy can never be too prepared; right? 

In the off chance that Mr. Camping and his particular brand of jumpsuit-wearing, Kool-Aid swilling miscreants are wrong and the sun rises tomorrow, then perhaps we shall indeed meet again right back here.  I hope we do.  And if you know anyone looking for an almost brand-new luxury sedan, do me a favor and send him my direction.  Thanks.

-AK

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