Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Words of Wise Men

Hey kids, it is basic math day: 4/7/11.  Again, I mean not to mock those who seem obsessed by all the allegedly cool numerical references related to 2011.  Actually that is not true at all.  I most assuredly mean to mock them.  If you are among their number (get it? "their number"), then consider yourself thusly mocked!  Move on - there is nothing else to see here on this subject.

Two campaigns got underway this week.  Charlie Sheen kicked off his "Let Me Separate These Suckers From Their Coin" Tour in Detroit on Saturday. Apparently he was not a huge hit.  The crowd was more than a bit rowdy and allegedly booed Sheen to the point that he left the stage.  Before doing so, he confronted them with the evening's one inescapable truth.  He told one heckler, "I already got your money, dude."  Apparently his performance the following night in Chicago was better-received.  He finished what he started and the Chicago crowd had a less bloodthirsty quality to it than its Detroit predecessor (although attempting to posit a place's lesser level of bloodthirstiness vis-a-vis Detroit is sort of like giving someone kudos for being the second skinniest kid at fat camp). 

I know that at some point in the not-too-distant future Sheen's tour is supposed to bring him either to the State of Concrete Gardens or right across the river in Manhattan.  Candidly, while his television show has made the Missus and me laugh quite loud and quite often since it first became airborne several years ago, whether he returns to it or it returns to the air are not questions that keep me awake at night.  Unless someone surprises me with a team of wild horses between now and his area engagement (the better to drag me to the theatre), I will be opting to sit this particular form of "entertainment" out. 

Good for him that he has managed to figure out a way to separate people from their money.  Barnum was right.  And if you opt to part with your cash but refuse to recognize that your are the only one to blame for the evening you are wasting as you watch a guy perform live who has made all of his money uttering aloud words on film or on tape written for him by another - with as much rehearsal time and takes built in as permissible by the bounds of time and with an APPLAUSE sign directing the audience's responses - then you deserve what you get from him and you get from him precisely what it is that you deserve.  If one purchases a ticket to a train wreck, then one cannot complain after the fact at the impossible-to-remove stains that the aforementioned wreck's debris left on one's clothing.

On Monday, President Obama announced that he intends to seek re-election.  T minus eighteen months (or so) and counting until Election Day.  How far away are we really from the election cycle for the Presidency mimicking that for the House of Representatives in which the morning after getting elected the successful candidates start running for re-election?  Probably not as far as you or I would care to think.  Or to admit.  Your politics are your own - as are mine.  I do not care whether you are a fan of the President or not and whether you intend to vote for him in 2012 or not.  Your politics are your business.  I shall not ask what you intend to do because it is none of my damn business.  Whether you are a fan of this President or not, you have to wonder (at least I do) why anyone who has the job would want to compete for the chance to spend four more years doing it.  It is a task that appears to suck the very marrow out of the bones of the person who holds the office, regardless of political party affiliation.  While it is not true that the writers of Seinfeld originally wrote this episode to show the effects of being President on Kramer, they could have.

One wonders if at some point the geniuses who formulate strategies for the candidates of the two major parties will realize that we the people have reached our saturation point.  If they will consider for a moment that we want candidates for national office who are as better-equipped to govern than they are to compete for the right to do so.  Perhaps they have already done the math on that particular scenario and they know what I do not know, which is that we the people in fact want no such thing.  As long as we have the chance to get together with our friends occasionally and commiserate about how politics is right up there with WWE Wrestling and Jersey Shore as representative of all that is wrong in this nation today, while reserving our right to run home and watch our MTV or Wrestlemania in the privacy of our home without having to answer to anyone for our viewing choices, then we have little to no interest in change. 

We like standing close enough to the train wreck to feel the debris spray on our clothes.  We just need to remember to pack an extra set.  Something to change into for the ride home....

....or for that ride to the local venue to see the Apocalypse's Fourth Horseman when his tour plays in your town.  You will need that extra set of clothes for certain.  It is damn hard to get Adonis blood out of almost any fabric. 


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