Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Far Side of Winter

Welcome to the endless January - at least for those of us who reside here in the State of Concrete Gardens. Yesterday, I had the sheer joy of driving to work in a raging snowstorm. Actually, truth be told it was a pretty damned entertaining trip. Nothing quite like the adrenaline rush of schussing up the interstate through fresh powder with eighteen wheelers as your ski buddies. All that was missing was a crackling fire.

We have gotten an incredible amount of crappy weather in these parts thus far this winter. After we got hit hard last winter by multiple incantations of "The Storm of the Century" one would have thought we had paid our penance. Apparently Mother Nature is one pissed off mutha at those of us who live around here these days. So much so that at or about 4:00 yesterday afternoon my assistant Lucia walked into my office to announce that it had resumed snowing. I knew not whether to be impressed with her visual acuity or depressed about my lack of perception when she made her announcement - considering that she had seen the snow while looking in the direction of the window while standing outside of my office more than fifteen feet away from the window and I had failed to notice it while seated at my desk only about three feet from it. Then I looked out the window at the second squall of the day and decided just to be depressed about the weather. It seemed to make the most sense.

This weekend no snow is forecast to fall. While that is - in and of itself good news - the apparent reason that we are going to experience 48 snow-free hours is that it is simply going to be too damn cold to snow. On last night's Channel 2 news at 11:00, the audience learned that we could be experiencing the bliss that is sub-zero temperatures at points over the weekend. Even snow is smart enough to stay out of town when it is that damn cold.

Happiness is? These days - for this fella - happiness is getting to a date on the calendar where my two options for weather are not endless snow or bone-numbing cold. It is the real-life equivalent of the old Far Side cartoon. Guy arrives in Hell and Satan asks, "Inferno or no inferno?" Before the guy can answer, Satan says, "Just kidding. They're all inferno!"

Actually, these days in these parts an inferno just might be a nice change of pace.

-AK

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