Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Four Course Men of the Avoirdupois

We males of the human persuasion are an interesting breed. We are after all the folks who - while standing with our Little General at attention for three hours and fifty-eight minutes will spend every second of the next two minutes debating internally the merits of calling our physician to advise him of a pending serious medical problem versus setting our watch back fifteen minutes to give ourselves a little "just in case" time. If you do not think that the "any woody longer than four hours call your physician" warning was not decided upon after careful calculation (performance time plus time to call every girl and woman who has ever rejected you and brag a bit afterwards) then you currently reside on a planet where no men live......or have ever lived.

It was nice to discover on Saturday afternoon that our best scientists do not solely concentrate their efforts on finding ways to ensure that the Magic Flute does not turn into the Incredible Mr. Limpit prematurely. I saw a commercial for a product called "SlimTs". What is the SlimT you ask? Well, I am glad you did. It is apparently some sort of upper torso girdle for men. The selling point of this particular product, which really made me laugh as I saw the spot after having just finished running on the treadmill, was that it promises to do several things, including making its wearer look firmer, younger and more toned without the dual annoyances of exercise or diet. Who needs exercise or a healthy diet? Apparently not any man with access to $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

Do not deprive yourself the entertainment value of scoping out the SlimTs website. Click on the video link to the commercial that is on there for the full experience. I have watched it several times and still cannot decide whether it is the participants' faux sincerity or the fact that it hearkens back to the capitalistic stylings of Cosmo Kramer and Frank Costanza that makes me like it so much.

Or perhaps it is the fact that a product as inane as the SlimT serves as a microcosm of what has become an endemic problem in this country. Once we pursued happiness. Now it appears as if at least some of us have decided that the mere pursuit of happiness is too much effort. We choose to remain sedentary and wait for happiness to come back for us. Apparently for some of us, as long as we look fit, the fact that we cannot move ourselves from here to the end of this sentence is of little moment.

Call now. Operators are indeed standing by.

-AK

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