Saturday, July 10, 2010

When One Is Out Of Sticks & Stones....

Did you catch BP's admission - made on national TV on Thursday night at about 9:30 Eastern Time - that their new "plan" for cleaning up the mess they have made in the Gulf of Mexico is simply to let all of the oil wash ashore. Amazing stuff it was. BP acknowledged that since the oil rig explosion that launched this whole snafu they have not actually been doing a damn thing to fix the problem. They simply have gotten tired of having to try to successfully bullshit the whole world every day and on Thursday night they decided to abandon the charade.

What? You missed that stunning disclosure because you were watching "The Decision" on ESPN? Truth be told you missed nothing. What is written in the preceding paragraph is 100% fiction. Well, all except for the part that since creating this nightmare BP has not done a f*cking thing to remedy the problem. That is 100% true.

My favorite fake emotion is faux outrage and ever since a professional basketball player announced on Thursday night that he was trading in one uniform for another, it has been in bloom to a degree that would make Washington D.C.'s famed cherry blossoms green with envy. It sprang up from all corners of the globe almost simultaneously. My favorite example of it? No contest. It sprung from the font of sanctimoniousness who owns the Cleveland Cavaliers, Dan Gilbert.

Gilbert posted a letter on his team's web site Thursday night essentially decimating his former employee and star player. Conspicuous by its absence from his asinine rant was an acknowledgment that the same human being whose ass he kicked on-line was the same human being whose ass he had waited in line to kiss 24 hours earlier. Hypothetical question time: if James was the gutless, feckless bastard Gilbert claimed he was in his letter, then why did Gilbert not post a letter thanking Miami for relieving the Cavs of the burden of having to tote that anchor around for the next five seasons?

Almost as ridiculous - but not quite - are the declarations of Otis Smith, who is the General Manager of the Orlando Magic. Smith, who as far as I can tell works for a team that has no responsibility fiscal or otherwise to pay any portion of James' salary, has weighed in by questioning James' heart as a competitor. One might be tempted to ask my man Otis what the hell business it is of his what type of competitor someone is who plays for a team other than his own. Presumably someone did.

At least in the Eastern sky over us here 'NTSG the sun did indeed rise on Friday morning. Good thing. Had there been an eclipse Gilbert likely would have posted another letter on his franchise's web site blaming James for stealing the sun away when no one was looking.

There are enough truly horrific and consequential things that go on here on the big blue marble on a daily basis that merit genuine outrage and anger. We do not need to expend any on manufactured, contrived nonsense. Perspective is a beautiful thing ladies and gentlemen. The next time someone offers you the opportunity to get some do not pass on the chance.

And while you are at it, take a little extra for Dan Gilbert. He certainly seems as if he could use it.

-AK

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