Friday, July 17, 2009

Omarosa in '13?

I was initially excited when I read the story in the newspaper earlier this week that a certain governor in the midst of a tough re-election fight was considering naming a past winner of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" as his running mate. We here in Levelland are embarking on a new adventure this election season. Around the nation, unemployment figures are way up. Here in the Garden State we have figured out a way the path to job growth.

We have conjured up - out of one part whole cloth and one part ether - a new position in our Executive Branch. Apparently, between Governor Whitman's ascendancy to the EPA and Governor McGreevey's resignation, someone has determined that we have spent too much time operating under the auspices of an "acting" Governor these past several years. Thus, voila! we have now created the position of Lieutenant Governor.

In addition to being forced to come up with several months' worth of witty banter to hurl back and forth at one another, now Messrs. Corzine and Christie have to come up with something no candidate for Governor of New Jersey has ever had to come up with before: a running mate. While no one is really sure what the official duties are going to be for our new #2, the new rules of engagement mandate that each of the major parties' candidates for the #1 job has to come up with a name to put on the ballot beneath his own.

OK, apologies for the somewhat circuitous trip back to "The Donald" but here we are. Earlier this week, the story broke that among the Gov's short list of potential LG candidates is Randal Pinkett. Perusing his website I was pleased to learn that in addition to enjoying referring to himself in the "third person/New York Times" style (count the # of references to "Dr. Pinkett" per paragraph just for fun, he adheres to the five F's: faith, family, friends, fellowship and fun. Man - how about go for a sixth and seventh and make a bit of room for French fries and football?

Other than being the winner of Season 4 of "The Apprentice", Dr. Pinkett is apparently the most successful and humble man on the planet. Again, do not accept my word for it - go to the website. Nevertheless, his apparent ascension to the dizzying heights of statewide politics seems a bit extraordinary - given that his resume lists everything he has done since cornering the neighborhood lemonade stand market - and yet is conspicuous for its lack of mention of any experience in the business of governing (or lieutenant governing). Hell of a way to start one's life of public service I suppose - as the #2 in command in spite of a glaring lack of the background one would normally bring to the gig. What's the word I am searching for? Palinesque.

I would have hoped that if the Gov was going to go the "reality tv" star route, he would have considered Richard Hatch, the winner of the first edition of Survivor. Perhaps, given his own somewhat flexible relationship with the IRS Code Hatch has loftier aspirations - such as a position in the Federal Treasury.

If Hatch is unattainable, then how about Joan Rivers? She may have the same thimbleful of experience in elective office as Dr. Pinkett but even at this late stage of her career she would be a whole lot more fun to have on the campaign trail. And since no one has been able to define for us, the electorate, what the position of LG is supposed to entail, the ability to host a celebrity roast may as well be as important a skill as any other.

Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief
Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief
One thing in common they all got
Everybody wants to be the man at the top.

Even an apprentice. Whether he is qualified for the position or not. On the job training for Donald Trump is one thing. We have more than enough on our plate here in the State of Retail Gardens. Here's to not allowing him to serve yet another apprenticeship on our time and our dollar.

-AK

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